Just came back from the doctor. I'm afraid I don't have such good news. My disease flared up again and they want to do more intensive tests and put me through all that painful crap again. And the thing is, I can't afford it. My salary is so tiny and I don't have a medical fund.
And when I told him that, he just shrugged his shoulders and gave me that, "now what the hell am I supposed to do" look. He gave me some strong medication to clear up the infection that is spreading in my intestines and to put a stop to the internal bleeding, but he can't do much about the pain. I can deal with the pain (I live with it every single day), but the uncertaintly of what's really going on inside of me, is killing me. So far I know that my immune system is basically non-existant due to my disease. So I get colds, flu and other illnesses all the time.
It just gets to me that there isn't much they are willing to do if you're not stinking rich. The moment they hear that you're struggling financially or don't have a medical aid, they get distant and cold towards you. What happened to the good old days when doctors had a passion to help sick people? Now it's all about money.

The moment I got back to work, I just locked myself up in the bathroom and cried. Right now I feel like screaming my frustration out. Or just frigging disappearing. I'm so damn tired. This has been going on for nearly 10 years now. In and out of hospital...tests...expensive medicine. At some point you just get tired. You feel worthless and useless. I'm drained of all my energy. I'm so sorry for complaining and moaning, but I just have to get this out.

But even though I'm tired and sick, I'm going to try to draw asap. It's the only thing that keeps me sane these days.

Ooh and I'm going to do a cosplay this weekend. I'm so, so excited. It's the one thing that I truly look forward to this week.


I also want to take the time to thank you all for your wonderful comments, support and love. You can't begin to imagine how much this means to me. I draw strength and courage from that. I love you all so much and I wish I could thank each and every one of you in person. You guys are the best!!!!